The Old man and the 'If Only'
Met an old man today. I knew him, had seen him earlier. But I MET him only today...
A man who devoted his life to his children. He was from a small village in Kerala. As was usual with young men of that generation in Kerala, he had to leave and search for employment elsewhere. He chose Calcutta - a room, a mess for food, a job as a secretary in a typewriter company, no interest in books, no music, and himself... He was the quintessential Haripada of the old Anjan Dutt Bangla song...
In due course he brought his nephew, his nephew's friend and a few other youngsters from his village to Calcutta and ensured they had shelter till they found jobs and enrolled in college...His need then came to obviate loneliness... Marriage followed - to a teacher. The wife stayed in Kerala with her job... Remember this was the age of no telephones, no email and only snail mail... And 3 days to travel by train one way. Life as before, with a one month holiday for him in Kerala with wife and a one month holiday for the wife in Calcutta. Kids followed - 2 boys, both stayed and studied in kerala. The man continued in his Haripada way. Then the wife died. The kids stayed in Kerala - both between 5 and 7 years. With the man's sister.
On a trip when he came down, he was saddened by the state of the kids. He took them to Calcutta with him. Became difficult managing... He married again. A lady from Kerala who probably wouldn't get married given her circumstance... With an agreement that she wouldn't want kids beyond the 2 sons. A life devoted to the sons. Huge performance pressure on them.
One became a doctor and one a chartered accountant. But he wanted more. He wanted them to go to the Mecca of the middle class then - the USA. Both went - one to the US and one to canada. By then they were married - to girls from very rich families. The sons drew apart from the parents- the social standing was very different. The grandchildren are americans - no relationship with the grandparents. The old man felt his responsibilities were over and came back... Back to his village in Kerala. Built a house with great effort and love. He finished when he was 76. What more could a man want, he must have thought... Successful kids, retired, back home, house built... The perfect ending to the well-worked hardly-lived life. A self made man. Realisation of the typical middle class dream...A few trips to the US and Canada...
Disenchantment... Back to the village... Issues with the wife who was blaming him for not having kids, and concern over her future. Now death staring at him in the face. Due to age, not illness. No children. A wife who blames him for her fate. No diversions like a reading habit etc to divert his mind from self deprecation... Yearning to turn back time... Bitterness... Guilt... Anger... Fear... Ambiguity... Loneliness... Is this the end?
The 'if only' phase of life characterised by "If only I had..." or "if only they had..." Or "if only fate had..." Or "if only I could turn time back" or "if only..."
Met an old man today. I knew him, had seen him earlier. But I MET him only today...
A man who devoted his life to his children. He was from a small village in Kerala. As was usual with young men of that generation in Kerala, he had to leave and search for employment elsewhere. He chose Calcutta - a room, a mess for food, a job as a secretary in a typewriter company, no interest in books, no music, and himself... He was the quintessential Haripada of the old Anjan Dutt Bangla song...
In due course he brought his nephew, his nephew's friend and a few other youngsters from his village to Calcutta and ensured they had shelter till they found jobs and enrolled in college...His need then came to obviate loneliness... Marriage followed - to a teacher. The wife stayed in Kerala with her job... Remember this was the age of no telephones, no email and only snail mail... And 3 days to travel by train one way. Life as before, with a one month holiday for him in Kerala with wife and a one month holiday for the wife in Calcutta. Kids followed - 2 boys, both stayed and studied in kerala. The man continued in his Haripada way. Then the wife died. The kids stayed in Kerala - both between 5 and 7 years. With the man's sister.
On a trip when he came down, he was saddened by the state of the kids. He took them to Calcutta with him. Became difficult managing... He married again. A lady from Kerala who probably wouldn't get married given her circumstance... With an agreement that she wouldn't want kids beyond the 2 sons. A life devoted to the sons. Huge performance pressure on them.
One became a doctor and one a chartered accountant. But he wanted more. He wanted them to go to the Mecca of the middle class then - the USA. Both went - one to the US and one to canada. By then they were married - to girls from very rich families. The sons drew apart from the parents- the social standing was very different. The grandchildren are americans - no relationship with the grandparents. The old man felt his responsibilities were over and came back... Back to his village in Kerala. Built a house with great effort and love. He finished when he was 76. What more could a man want, he must have thought... Successful kids, retired, back home, house built... The perfect ending to the well-worked hardly-lived life. A self made man. Realisation of the typical middle class dream...A few trips to the US and Canada...
Disenchantment... Back to the village... Issues with the wife who was blaming him for not having kids, and concern over her future. Now death staring at him in the face. Due to age, not illness. No children. A wife who blames him for her fate. No diversions like a reading habit etc to divert his mind from self deprecation... Yearning to turn back time... Bitterness... Guilt... Anger... Fear... Ambiguity... Loneliness... Is this the end?
The 'if only' phase of life characterised by "If only I had..." or "if only they had..." Or "if only fate had..." Or "if only I could turn time back" or "if only..."
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